I admit it. I’m no fun.
Everyone is having a blast, enjoying every deranged moment of the Charlie Sheen death tour. My inbox is flooded with gleeful e-mails helpfully providing links to Charlie’s latest incoherent interview or absurd tweet. A couple of friends have taken to signing off their texts with # winning.
But somehow the joke is lost on me.
I like to think I have a good sense of humor. But I just can’t get in the spirit. I mean, we know how this story is going to end up. One morning we’ll wake up to the news that tiger blood is no longer running through Sheen’s syringed marked veins. And then what? Will we curse Charlie’s name for permanently canceling America’s favorite new smash hit comedy?
But there I go again, being a killjoy.
Call me old fashioned, but I miss the old days when we let our pampered celebrities kill themselves in peace.
Hendrix spared us LSD fueled twitter rants. He just tastefully choked on his own vomit in a London hotel room.
John Belushi never went on the Today Show to call SNL producer Lorne Michaels by his real name– Lorne Lipovitz.
Kurt Cobain could have been a hoot, staring off into space and mumbling incoherent answers as a concerned Matt Lauer pressed him about his drug use. Dr. Drew could have made the talk show rounds offering his unsolicited advice.
And imagine how much fun we could have had with Chris Farley. A true comedic genius, he would have been a triple threat– entertaining America with his tweets, TV interviews and on-line riffs as he hilariously imploded before our eyes.
I’m surprised, because most Americans are having way too much fun with Charlie.
In fact, Sheen recently announced he was taking his death tour on the road for two live dates. One in Chicago, the other in Detroit. Now, you might ask, what exactly does Charlie plan to do on stage in front of thousands of people? No one knows, but that didn’t stop tickets from selling out within minutes. Kind of amazing when you think about it. Detroit is one step above Kabul economically,yet the locals have dug deep into their wallets to catch the must-see event of the year. I wonder if they’ll get a refund if he OD’s before the show.
I know, I know. I’m missing the point.
It’s a new day. Charlie has some more memorable media appearances to make, silly tweets to write, and viral videos to release. Self destruction has never been more fun.
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I admit it. I’m no fun.